Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Imperfections

The other day I was just thinkin about some stuff. Random stuff, really. And I just thought about how all the time I say that a whole buncha things are wrong with me, and if only I could do this better, or if I looked a little better blah blah blah,etc. etc. etc. And then I realized I wasnt meant to be perfect and that even if I was, perfection would be so boring, because there'd be nothing about me that was interesting. It would just be the same old stuff, every single day.Blah. Anyways, I decided that I would not be the person I am without my flaws and so I wrote a poem about it, and I basically come to grips with all of the flaws that I have. 17 years in the making. Took me this long to realize that our flaws and imperfections make us the people we are today, and for some that may be bad, but for me it's actually okay.

Imperfections

Nobody's perfect, that's what they say

But, sometimes, I feel that nothing's perfect about me

Imperfect

But, then, I'm amazed by my flaws

Happy that I'm not perfect

Perfection, what is it?

What does it look like?

Does anybody really know?

It's a question I ask myself everyday

But, then, I look in the mirror

And I'm in love with what I see

Who needs perfection when perfection is boring?

I'm imperfect

Perfectly imperfect

Absolutely in love with me

I love me, flaws and all

Everything about me is beautiful

My flaws are exceptional

My imperfections are wonderful

Why do I need perfection...?

When everything I need...Everything I want

is found in myself

and my imperfections.

<3

Monday, November 14, 2011

Things I've Learned in the Past Year

This last year or so has kind of been rough on me. Me and my family. But as they say, every bad experience has a lesson attached, and so through all of that, I've learned a lot. I had to go through some stuff first, but all that has helped shape and mold the person I am today and I don't want to change anything that would change the person I am.

The first lesson (and the biggest) I learned was to not take your family for granted. You never know when they could be gone. Eight months, two weeks, and two days ago, my grandmother on my mother's side passed away in a hospital. I didn't know what to do with myself. It's been almost a year since then and I still forget that she's gone, and I still wish that I could see her again. Cherish your family, you never know when things will change.

The next lesson I learneed is that you should never let people treat you less than you are. You're worth so much more than to let yourself be treated like a doormat. Stand up for yourself, and above all, respect yourself, and then others will respect you. Don't walk around school acting like a slut, and acting like some hooker on the street. You're worth more than that. And if someone refuses to respect you, and they still run all over you, you don't need them in your life. Kick them to the curb, they're not worth all the stress.

Thirdly, Relationships. Are. Complicated. Do I need to elaborate further? It's simple, relationships are complicated. You have to deal with all these emotions and you find yourself in a place where you just don't know what to do anymore and you're just...Stuck. How are you gonna get yourself outta this mess? It's not like you don't want to be clear of everything, it's just that more and more things just keep getting added on and added on until the pile of emotional baggage is so high you can't even see the road to get out of the emotional traffic jam you're in. What are you gonna do? You don't know anymore, everyone else is confused, and you just want to jump off a bridge to ease all of the emotional confusion that is going on in your life right now. It's getting bad, and all you want now is simplicity and for everything to just go away. So, therefore, relationships are complicated.

The fourth thing I learned this year is that things always happen for a reason. You may not understand what that reason is right now, but things always happen for a reason. It may be awhile before you understand why that thing had to happen, but it needed to happen. Sometimes, its so hard for us to understand why things happen, but if you just let things happen, you'll figure out why that thing had to happen. And the things that you want to happen may not happen the way you want them, but if you just wait for it, I guarantee that something better will come for you.

I also learned that change is hard. They say that change is always good, that it'll help you, and you should accept change. But I learned that that is so hard to do. I reject change for the most part. I hate when things change. I know that things must change in order for us to progress, but I hate when things change. It bothers me. Eventually, I accept that things have changed and I must change with it, but for the most part, it is difficult. I have a hard time wrapping my head around change. Eventually, I get it. Especially when things change for the worst. That's when I really hate change and I ask myself, 'Why do things have to change so much?' We're good just the way we are. But I realize without change, we would get absolutely nowhere. So I've learned to accept change and go with the flow instead of resisting it.