I'm pissed...

I need to go off on a personal tangent right quick. You ever felt like people just do not listen to you? Like the louder you yell, the less they listen? Well, that's how I feel every f***ing day. No one likes to listen to me and you know what? I am f***ing tired of being ignored. I'm tired of people brushing me off like it's nothing. I have something to say and damn it, you're gonna listen! I'm a chill kind of person and things don't get to me very often. I can often think things through with a level head and not get too upset about it.

That being said, I have a few hot buttons. I can go from 0 to 100 if those hot buttons are pressed. Like this whole, 'You're a bum. You don't do a damn thing around here. Stop being a bum.' thing. That gets me so hot, so quick. Like I'm the one that does the most around here. I can't say that though. If I do, I just get some sort of sarcastic response. Like 'Yeah, you do. The minimum, but you do.' OH REALLY?! The minimum. The f***ing minimum?! So after all of the things that I do and everything I go through on a daily basis trying to make other people happy even if I may not have gotten time for little ol' me who doesn't really ask for much and tries her hardest to make sure everybody else is okay and everything is done around here, you're telling me that after all that, I'm still unappreciated? Well, okay. At least I know for sure now.

You know, awhile ago, I was really excited about the prospect of me moving out in about a year or so, because now I get to experience life on my own and see what the real world is like and all that jazz. But now? Now I just want to prove a f***ing point. That without me, everything else is going to hell in a basket. I know, I know. That's a little bit petty. But don't I deserve the right to be petty every once in a while? I think I do. Especially after all the shit I've been through. I think I do.

Anyway, I just had to get that off of my chest. I feel much better now. :)

Over and Over

So, yesterday, I dedicated the entire day to Three Days Grace. I listened to all of the albums in their entirety, and I watched some live shows on YouTube and just generally enjoyed the awesomeness that is Three Days Grace. I was listening to One-X and I had gotten to Over and Over and I realized just how much that song meant to me, and my life. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm thinking to myself, 'Oh my god. That is so me. This song is me.' I almost wanted to cry.

See, there was this guy that I really, really liked in high school and the feelings, to put it mildly, were unrequited. And despite knowing that it would never happen, I could not make the feelings go away. 

Over and over, over and over, I fall for you.

It sucked, for lack of a better word. I wanted to move on with my life but it felt as if I was stuck in an endless loop of heartbreak and I couldn't get out of it. I tried to push the feelings away, but every time I thought I'd gotten rid of them, they'd return with a vengeance. Why me?

So here I go again, chasing you down again, why do I do this?

I couldn't for the life of me understand why my heart wouldn't just disappear so I could go on with my life. I was miserable, and I was tired of it, but as I always say, the heart wants what the heart wants and you can't do anything about it.

I know what's best for me, but I want you instead, I'll keep on wasting all my time.

I knew that eventually I had to give up on this if I ever wanted to be happy but I just could not help myself. You know how when you see that person you want more than anything, nothing else really matters? You just want them and nothing else? Yeah, that was me back then.

I love and hate this song all at the same time. I love it because, well, it's freaking awesome and it means something and is filled with all kinds of emotion and I love it. I hate it because I do not like thinking about that time in my life and this song sends me on a one-way trip back to then. I almost want to cry.

Over and over, over and over, you make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over, you don't even try to

Link to the song: