Imperfections

The other day I was just thinkin about some stuff. Random stuff, really. And I just thought about how all the time I say that a whole buncha things are wrong with me, and if only I could do this better, or if I looked a little better blah blah blah,etc. etc. etc. And then I realized I wasnt meant to be perfect and that even if I was, perfection would be so boring, because there'd be nothing about me that was interesting. It would just be the same old stuff, every single day.Blah. Anyways, I decided that I would not be the person I am without my flaws and so I wrote a poem about it, and I basically come to grips with all of the flaws that I have. 17 years in the making. Took me this long to realize that our flaws and imperfections make us the people we are today, and for some that may be bad, but for me it's actually okay.

Imperfections

Nobody's perfect, that's what they say

But, sometimes, I feel that nothing's perfect about me

Imperfect

But, then, I'm amazed by my flaws

Happy that I'm not perfect

Perfection, what is it?

What does it look like?

Does anybody really know?

It's a question I ask myself everyday

But, then, I look in the mirror

And I'm in love with what I see

Who needs perfection when perfection is boring?

I'm imperfect

Perfectly imperfect

Absolutely in love with me

I love me, flaws and all

Everything about me is beautiful

My flaws are exceptional

My imperfections are wonderful

Why do I need perfection...?

When everything I need...Everything I want

is found in myself

and my imperfections.

<3

Things I've Learned in the Past Year

This last year or so has kind of been rough on me. Me and my family. But as they say, every bad experience has a lesson attached, and so through all of that, I've learned a lot. I had to go through some stuff first, but all that has helped shape and mold the person I am today and I don't want to change anything that would change the person I am.

The first lesson (and the biggest) I learned was to not take your family for granted. You never know when they could be gone. Eight months, two weeks, and two days ago, my grandmother on my mother's side passed away in a hospital. I didn't know what to do with myself. It's been almost a year since then and I still forget that she's gone, and I still wish that I could see her again. Cherish your family, you never know when things will change.

The next lesson I learneed is that you should never let people treat you less than you are. You're worth so much more than to let yourself be treated like a doormat. Stand up for yourself, and above all, respect yourself, and then others will respect you. Don't walk around school acting like a slut, and acting like some hooker on the street. You're worth more than that. And if someone refuses to respect you, and they still run all over you, you don't need them in your life. Kick them to the curb, they're not worth all the stress.

Thirdly, Relationships. Are. Complicated. Do I need to elaborate further? It's simple, relationships are complicated. You have to deal with all these emotions and you find yourself in a place where you just don't know what to do anymore and you're just...Stuck. How are you gonna get yourself outta this mess? It's not like you don't want to be clear of everything, it's just that more and more things just keep getting added on and added on until the pile of emotional baggage is so high you can't even see the road to get out of the emotional traffic jam you're in. What are you gonna do? You don't know anymore, everyone else is confused, and you just want to jump off a bridge to ease all of the emotional confusion that is going on in your life right now. It's getting bad, and all you want now is simplicity and for everything to just go away. So, therefore, relationships are complicated.

The fourth thing I learned this year is that things always happen for a reason. You may not understand what that reason is right now, but things always happen for a reason. It may be awhile before you understand why that thing had to happen, but it needed to happen. Sometimes, its so hard for us to understand why things happen, but if you just let things happen, you'll figure out why that thing had to happen. And the things that you want to happen may not happen the way you want them, but if you just wait for it, I guarantee that something better will come for you.

I also learned that change is hard. They say that change is always good, that it'll help you, and you should accept change. But I learned that that is so hard to do. I reject change for the most part. I hate when things change. I know that things must change in order for us to progress, but I hate when things change. It bothers me. Eventually, I accept that things have changed and I must change with it, but for the most part, it is difficult. I have a hard time wrapping my head around change. Eventually, I get it. Especially when things change for the worst. That's when I really hate change and I ask myself, 'Why do things have to change so much?' We're good just the way we are. But I realize without change, we would get absolutely nowhere. So I've learned to accept change and go with the flow instead of resisting it.

Over It (And just now realizing it) Otherwise known as Moving On

So...I liked this guy for awhile right. We had been friends since the ninth grade. I had been dealing with some unrequited feelings for quite some time. Little did I know, my heart had already begun to heal. I was so caught up in what I was feeling that I didn't know that I was slowly but surely starting to move on. He is not the only thing I think of anymore, not the only one that appeals to me anymore. I know that I fell kinda hard, kinda fast, but I'm learning to let go. I'm moving on. I know that some part of me wants to hold on to him, but the rest of me is ready to let go of it. For the past two years, I've been living in this fantasy world, thinking that everything would work out. I have no idea why I thought that, but I did. I guess I was trying to see the positive in the situation. But anyways, I'm moving on now. You may say, 'How can you be moving on? You've liked him for SO long.' Sometimes it doesn't take all that angst you see in the movies to move on. Sometimes it's as simple as that. I'm done now I'm moving on.

Sometimes we're so caught up in the past and what could have been that we don't see what's ahead of us. We're stuck and we're no longer moving forward and while you're living your past over and over again, the rest of life is moving forward. I know I have a future somewhere. I don't know what I'll be doing, or where I'll be living, but I do know that wherever I am, I will be happy and I'll be successful. I've learned a lot over these  last two years, and I know that things don't always work out for the best and sometimes you have to let go and move on. Somewhere, in this experience, is a lesson to be learned here. (When I know what it is, I'll let you know.)

I'm ready to move on. I'm excited about the prospect of moving on. I'm gonna be 17 soon and it's time I stopped acting like I'm a 12 year old schoolgirl. I'm growing up, and I need to start acting like it. Because, in only one year after that, I'm going to be 18 and in college, and I'm gonna meet guys and I'm gonna end up liking some and I don't want to have to go through this again. Sometimes, you just gotta be strong and not let your emotions rule everything you do. I admit, I'm guilty of doing that a lot. I think with my heart instead of my head and sometimes that gets me into situations (like this one), and I don't want that to keep happening to me. I know better now, though. I can't simply be ruled by my emotions. I have to think with both my heart and my head and use common sense and life will be just a tad bit easier.

I'd like to think that sometimes I feel too much. I am able to feel an emotion so thoroughly and completely and I think that might be my problem. I just feel too much. I've tried to separate myself from my emotions and it never works. I really just want to not feel so much. Maybe, if I didn't feel so hard and so completely, my heart won't be so vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable. Me personally, I like being strong and independent. Able to stand on my own, so that way, if I ever get my heart broken, I can take it. I don't have to be like all those girls you see on the movies.

Heh. Anyways, that's all for my ranting for now.

The Friend Zone

A girl likes a boy. She thinks he's cute and wants to be with him. They talk for awhile. He says he thinks she's cute. The next time they talk he says he considers her to be a little sister. *STOP* *PAUSE* This is cause for trouble. This means the girl has OFFICIALLY entered what we like to call the (dun dun dun..!) Friend Zone. Nobody likes to be in the friend zone. It's not a good feeling. Unless you want to be in the friend zone with somebody, it's not a good thing. And once you've entered the friend zone, it is really hard to exit it. Because now, to him, you're "one of the guys." Do you really wanna be considered one of the guys? No? I didn't think so. Being in the friend zone can be good for your relationship and it can be bad. (Most of the time it's bad, though.) Like once you've entered it, you realize, 'Hey. I actually like this guy.' and you work to get yourself out of the dreaded friend zone. It works and y'all live happily ever after. Then, there are the people that intentionally put themselves in the friend zone knowing that they like the guy themselves. Saying, 'There's no way he could like me.' Blah, blah, blah. That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard of. They go and try to fix the guy up with somebody, and be all supportive and friendly like. Stupid. You know you want the guy, go get him. Stop trying to be a friend and be something more. Turn the seduction up, do something! Get yourself out of the friend zone, and get out ASAP! Before you find yourself living alone with 50 cats and you watch the man of your dreams be happy with your best friend because your dumb self decided to fix them up. You could of had that guy. Now, you're that crazy cat lady y'all used to make fun of in high school. How's that feel? Now, rewind. You're back in high school. You like this guy, but this time, you go after him. You fight for what you've deemed as yours. Now you're the successful model or whatever it is that you want to do, and you've got this gorgeous guy on your arm, and you're just living life like it's supposed to be lived. You're happy, happily taken, and on your way to having a fabulous life. All because you decided you wanted to stop living in the friend zone, take a risk, and go after what you wanted.
Moral of the story: DON'T LET YOURSELF GET IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!
Thanks and peace out. :)

MY TURN!!!!!!!

Okay, so two of my friends have already done this, so of course, I just HAD to. A list of guys who, in my opinion, could get it ASAP!!

10. Benjamin McKenzie
Ok, so most people don't know (or remember) who this is, but this is Ryan from the O.C, and he is freakin SEXY!!! He most definitely can get it.


















9. Chris Brown
Self-explanatory....If you don't see why, then you're blind, deaf, and have no pulse.

8. Ne-Yo
I absolutely LOVE Ne-Yo!!!! His smile is gorgeous and has sooo much swag it's ridiculous. Love him, he's great, and can SERIOUSLY get it ASAP.

7. T.I.
I've always loved T.I. I think he's the best thing since sliced bread, and to top it off, he's a gorgeous guy. What else could you want??

6. Tyrese
This man is a sexy piece of chocolate right here. (Black men, pay attention, this is an example of what success is.) A good guy too, so hey...I ain't complainin.

5. Bruno Mars
Everybody knows how I feel about Bruno Mars, so no need for explanation here.

4. Bradley Cooper
I am obsessed with this guy!! He is soooo gorgeous, and hilarious! (if you don't know what I mean, watch The Hangover.) Most DEFINITELY can have it.

3. Eminem
I just love Em. He's one of my favorite rappers EVER. There's nobody like him. (Or crazier than him, either.) And he's hilarious. So funny. So, yes, Em can get it too.

2. Matt Bomer

If you've never watched USA's White Collar, then you have no idea who this is. But, he is one of the SEXIEST guys I have ever laid my eyes on. Eyes are gorgeous, and he's got a serious body. ABSOLUTELY.

And, finally, my number one guy who can MOST DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, can get it, is.........................................................................................................................................

1. Jake Gyllenhaal

This guy is SUPER SEXY!!!! He could get it any day of the week any moment of any hour. If I was doing somethin and he said let's go...Droppin everything and I'd beat him to the bedroom. He's just that sexy.

Of Time and Tattoos

Haven't blogged in awhile, but I decided, hey, I've got nothing to do today, and I've got some things to say, so why not? So, it's April and school is coming to a close with prom and all that jazz, and then after that, I'm gonna be a senior. A SENIOR!!! Omg has time really gone by that fast? I still remember being in 9th grade (and hating it) and being all young and junk. My big sister still went to school with me, and I was shy and awkward and just overall hesitant. Fast forward two and a half years, and you've got the me of today. Wow. I have changed. Like for real. Physically and mentally. I've most definitely matured since then. And, now I look my age. Got a haircut and now I look like I'm actually 16 instead of like 12. Emotionally, I can say I'm better at not keeping things bottled up, and am now more willing to express my opinions. I refuse to let people walk all over me now, and I'm more independent. Don't have to depend on anyone else or follow anyone else. Anyways, I'm glad the school year is ending, and I can't wait for senior year, to see what that holds for me. See what kinds of trouble I get into then. (Lol.) After that, I will officially be considered an adult. THEN I CAN GET MY TATTOO!! Yeah, I want one. I know exactly what it's gonna look like, too. (Cross with a rose wrapped around it, with some of the leaves falling off.) Speaking of which, I'm gonna post a pic of something like what I want the cross to look like because I want a certain type of cross.   Can't wait till I'm in college. I know it's gonna be a piece of cake because of what I went through in high school (not even gonna go there) and then I will get to PAAAARRTYY! Yeah, I can't wait. Gonna be fabulous. Meeting new people and meeting new boys (wink) and just having a good time, while still managing to keep good grades. So fun. So fun. But, really though, have I gotten this old this fast? I still can't believe it. Feels surreal almost. I mean, by this time next year, it will be my turn to walk up that stage and grab my diploma, no matter if it's magnet or not. Doesn't matter to me. I dnt care about those people. They don't matter. Anyways, not to get off subject, senior year is gonna be so extremely fun. Gonna have my friends, gonna have fun, gonna just be me. Stop sweating the little things, and just enjoy life. That's my new motto. (That and "Screw it! I'm not doing this ish!") Time for me to do me.

Maybe a cross that looks something like this, but in a tattoo form, and just imagine the rose wrapped around it.

Never Alone

I went to bed, I was thinking about you
I wondered if you were okay now
Now that you're in a better place
No more hurting, no more sorrow
All you can feel is joy, peace, love
I always wanted that for you
Now you can have it
Although there is pain from your departure
I can still feel your love, radiating from the heavens
Wrapping me in it's warm embrace, caressing me with the slightest touch of a feather
I know that you are watching me, loving me, guiding me
Your physical body may be gone, but your spirit still lives
I can feel it on the wind, I can feel it when the sun shines brightly on my face
I smile, because I know it's you, letting me know that you're still there
Still there to love me, to care for me
I'll miss you, I know this to be true
Because I can feel the pain of losing you
But I know that you're okay now
I feel that you're okay now
Because I can feel your smile on the sun's rays
Hear your laughter whisper in the wind
We've got to let you go now, but we'll see you again
In that place where everything is golden and beautiful
And I know that you'll be waiting, ready to wrap me in your loving embrace
And, then, we'll have eternal happiness, you and I.
Together, forever.

Dedicated to my wonderful Grandmother

Thelma Britten

1945-2011

I miss you so much!!!

                                                

Inspired by this wonderful song