So...I liked this guy for awhile right. We had been friends since the ninth grade. I had been dealing with some unrequited feelings for quite some time. Little did I know, my heart had already begun to heal. I was so caught up in what I was feeling that I didn't know that I was slowly but surely starting to move on. He is not the only thing I think of anymore, not the only one that appeals to me anymore. I know that I fell kinda hard, kinda fast, but I'm learning to let go. I'm moving on. I know that some part of me wants to hold on to him, but the rest of me is ready to let go of it. For the past two years, I've been living in this fantasy world, thinking that everything would work out. I have no idea why I thought that, but I did. I guess I was trying to see the positive in the situation. But anyways, I'm moving on now. You may say, 'How can you be moving on? You've liked him for SO long.' Sometimes it doesn't take all that angst you see in the movies to move on. Sometimes it's as simple as that. I'm done now I'm moving on.
Sometimes we're so caught up in the past and what could have been that we don't see what's ahead of us. We're stuck and we're no longer moving forward and while you're living your past over and over again, the rest of life is moving forward. I know I have a future somewhere. I don't know what I'll be doing, or where I'll be living, but I do know that wherever I am, I will be happy and I'll be successful. I've learned a lot over these last two years, and I know that things don't always work out for the best and sometimes you have to let go and move on. Somewhere, in this experience, is a lesson to be learned here. (When I know what it is, I'll let you know.)
I'm ready to move on. I'm excited about the prospect of moving on. I'm gonna be 17 soon and it's time I stopped acting like I'm a 12 year old schoolgirl. I'm growing up, and I need to start acting like it. Because, in only one year after that, I'm going to be 18 and in college, and I'm gonna meet guys and I'm gonna end up liking some and I don't want to have to go through this again. Sometimes, you just gotta be strong and not let your emotions rule everything you do. I admit, I'm guilty of doing that a lot. I think with my heart instead of my head and sometimes that gets me into situations (like this one), and I don't want that to keep happening to me. I know better now, though. I can't simply be ruled by my emotions. I have to think with both my heart and my head and use common sense and life will be just a tad bit easier.
I'd like to think that sometimes I feel too much. I am able to feel an emotion so thoroughly and completely and I think that might be my problem. I just feel too much. I've tried to separate myself from my emotions and it never works. I really just want to not feel so much. Maybe, if I didn't feel so hard and so completely, my heart won't be so vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable. Me personally, I like being strong and independent. Able to stand on my own, so that way, if I ever get my heart broken, I can take it. I don't have to be like all those girls you see on the movies.
Heh. Anyways, that's all for my ranting for now.
