The Friend Zone

A girl likes a boy. She thinks he's cute and wants to be with him. They talk for awhile. He says he thinks she's cute. The next time they talk he says he considers her to be a little sister. *STOP* *PAUSE* This is cause for trouble. This means the girl has OFFICIALLY entered what we like to call the (dun dun dun..!) Friend Zone. Nobody likes to be in the friend zone. It's not a good feeling. Unless you want to be in the friend zone with somebody, it's not a good thing. And once you've entered the friend zone, it is really hard to exit it. Because now, to him, you're "one of the guys." Do you really wanna be considered one of the guys? No? I didn't think so. Being in the friend zone can be good for your relationship and it can be bad. (Most of the time it's bad, though.) Like once you've entered it, you realize, 'Hey. I actually like this guy.' and you work to get yourself out of the dreaded friend zone. It works and y'all live happily ever after. Then, there are the people that intentionally put themselves in the friend zone knowing that they like the guy themselves. Saying, 'There's no way he could like me.' Blah, blah, blah. That is the most stupid thing I have ever heard of. They go and try to fix the guy up with somebody, and be all supportive and friendly like. Stupid. You know you want the guy, go get him. Stop trying to be a friend and be something more. Turn the seduction up, do something! Get yourself out of the friend zone, and get out ASAP! Before you find yourself living alone with 50 cats and you watch the man of your dreams be happy with your best friend because your dumb self decided to fix them up. You could of had that guy. Now, you're that crazy cat lady y'all used to make fun of in high school. How's that feel? Now, rewind. You're back in high school. You like this guy, but this time, you go after him. You fight for what you've deemed as yours. Now you're the successful model or whatever it is that you want to do, and you've got this gorgeous guy on your arm, and you're just living life like it's supposed to be lived. You're happy, happily taken, and on your way to having a fabulous life. All because you decided you wanted to stop living in the friend zone, take a risk, and go after what you wanted.
Moral of the story: DON'T LET YOURSELF GET IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!
Thanks and peace out. :)

MY TURN!!!!!!!

Okay, so two of my friends have already done this, so of course, I just HAD to. A list of guys who, in my opinion, could get it ASAP!!

10. Benjamin McKenzie
Ok, so most people don't know (or remember) who this is, but this is Ryan from the O.C, and he is freakin SEXY!!! He most definitely can get it.


















9. Chris Brown
Self-explanatory....If you don't see why, then you're blind, deaf, and have no pulse.

8. Ne-Yo
I absolutely LOVE Ne-Yo!!!! His smile is gorgeous and has sooo much swag it's ridiculous. Love him, he's great, and can SERIOUSLY get it ASAP.

7. T.I.
I've always loved T.I. I think he's the best thing since sliced bread, and to top it off, he's a gorgeous guy. What else could you want??

6. Tyrese
This man is a sexy piece of chocolate right here. (Black men, pay attention, this is an example of what success is.) A good guy too, so hey...I ain't complainin.

5. Bruno Mars
Everybody knows how I feel about Bruno Mars, so no need for explanation here.

4. Bradley Cooper
I am obsessed with this guy!! He is soooo gorgeous, and hilarious! (if you don't know what I mean, watch The Hangover.) Most DEFINITELY can have it.

3. Eminem
I just love Em. He's one of my favorite rappers EVER. There's nobody like him. (Or crazier than him, either.) And he's hilarious. So funny. So, yes, Em can get it too.

2. Matt Bomer

If you've never watched USA's White Collar, then you have no idea who this is. But, he is one of the SEXIEST guys I have ever laid my eyes on. Eyes are gorgeous, and he's got a serious body. ABSOLUTELY.

And, finally, my number one guy who can MOST DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, can get it, is.........................................................................................................................................

1. Jake Gyllenhaal

This guy is SUPER SEXY!!!! He could get it any day of the week any moment of any hour. If I was doing somethin and he said let's go...Droppin everything and I'd beat him to the bedroom. He's just that sexy.

Of Time and Tattoos

Haven't blogged in awhile, but I decided, hey, I've got nothing to do today, and I've got some things to say, so why not? So, it's April and school is coming to a close with prom and all that jazz, and then after that, I'm gonna be a senior. A SENIOR!!! Omg has time really gone by that fast? I still remember being in 9th grade (and hating it) and being all young and junk. My big sister still went to school with me, and I was shy and awkward and just overall hesitant. Fast forward two and a half years, and you've got the me of today. Wow. I have changed. Like for real. Physically and mentally. I've most definitely matured since then. And, now I look my age. Got a haircut and now I look like I'm actually 16 instead of like 12. Emotionally, I can say I'm better at not keeping things bottled up, and am now more willing to express my opinions. I refuse to let people walk all over me now, and I'm more independent. Don't have to depend on anyone else or follow anyone else. Anyways, I'm glad the school year is ending, and I can't wait for senior year, to see what that holds for me. See what kinds of trouble I get into then. (Lol.) After that, I will officially be considered an adult. THEN I CAN GET MY TATTOO!! Yeah, I want one. I know exactly what it's gonna look like, too. (Cross with a rose wrapped around it, with some of the leaves falling off.) Speaking of which, I'm gonna post a pic of something like what I want the cross to look like because I want a certain type of cross.   Can't wait till I'm in college. I know it's gonna be a piece of cake because of what I went through in high school (not even gonna go there) and then I will get to PAAAARRTYY! Yeah, I can't wait. Gonna be fabulous. Meeting new people and meeting new boys (wink) and just having a good time, while still managing to keep good grades. So fun. So fun. But, really though, have I gotten this old this fast? I still can't believe it. Feels surreal almost. I mean, by this time next year, it will be my turn to walk up that stage and grab my diploma, no matter if it's magnet or not. Doesn't matter to me. I dnt care about those people. They don't matter. Anyways, not to get off subject, senior year is gonna be so extremely fun. Gonna have my friends, gonna have fun, gonna just be me. Stop sweating the little things, and just enjoy life. That's my new motto. (That and "Screw it! I'm not doing this ish!") Time for me to do me.

Maybe a cross that looks something like this, but in a tattoo form, and just imagine the rose wrapped around it.

Never Alone

I went to bed, I was thinking about you
I wondered if you were okay now
Now that you're in a better place
No more hurting, no more sorrow
All you can feel is joy, peace, love
I always wanted that for you
Now you can have it
Although there is pain from your departure
I can still feel your love, radiating from the heavens
Wrapping me in it's warm embrace, caressing me with the slightest touch of a feather
I know that you are watching me, loving me, guiding me
Your physical body may be gone, but your spirit still lives
I can feel it on the wind, I can feel it when the sun shines brightly on my face
I smile, because I know it's you, letting me know that you're still there
Still there to love me, to care for me
I'll miss you, I know this to be true
Because I can feel the pain of losing you
But I know that you're okay now
I feel that you're okay now
Because I can feel your smile on the sun's rays
Hear your laughter whisper in the wind
We've got to let you go now, but we'll see you again
In that place where everything is golden and beautiful
And I know that you'll be waiting, ready to wrap me in your loving embrace
And, then, we'll have eternal happiness, you and I.
Together, forever.

Dedicated to my wonderful Grandmother

Thelma Britten

1945-2011

I miss you so much!!!

                                                

Inspired by this wonderful song

Bittersweet Memories

So, I've recently found a new song. It's called Bittersweet Memories and it's by a band called Bullet for My Valentine. The first time I heard this song, I fell in love with it. Mostly because it represented my situation greatly, and it hit close to home. I felt like I was singing the song (even though I can't sing. AT ALL). I felt the emotions, and it reminded me of the relationship (or lack thereof) between me and this guy I like. I'm a junior in high school, and so is he. We've been friends since the ninth grade, and I've liked him since the second semester of freshmen year. We've only got one year left, and then I'll probably never see him again. Just the thought of it makes me really sad. That's why I say this song is reminiscent of our (my) situation. He sings of being left with only bittersweet memories. And after graduation next year, that's all I'll be left with. Memories of me and him and our friends hanging out and having fun in AP Biology, Literature, and US History. They'll be particularly bittersweet because they are all happy memories that make me smile, but then I'll get kinda sad because I'll remember how much I liked him, and how much I wanted to be with him. And I'll remember ninth grade, when we were the closest. In first period lit class, we sat directly across from each other, and we would always talk about stuff, and he'd give me gum. This was the first time I was introduced to the wonderfulness that is 5 Gum. On a less sappy note, that was the best thing that EVER happened to me. Introducing me to 5 Gum was the start of a wonderful, lovely gum addiction. I haven't stopped chewing that gum since. In fact, I bought a three pack the other day, and all three packs were GONE in like a week. (Sad...) Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled sappiness...I'm gonna miss him so much when we graduate. And when I look back over my high school years when I'm older and married and have kids and all that, I know I'm gonna remember him. I know I'm gonna feel very bittersweet. They'll be bittersweet memories. I'll probably think about whatifs. What if I told him how I felt? What if he liked me back?(Huuge what if there.) I'll think about the missed opportunity to tell him what I felt, and even if he didn't return the feelings, I should be happy that I got the chance to tell him. But, I know how I am. I'm so ridiculously afraid of getting hurt (again...) that I'll risk never telling him. Life isn't like the stories I read. There isn't always a happy ending. I'll admire him from afar. That's okay, because as long as I get to see him, I'm ok. As long as I get to see that beautiful face and those beautiful eyes one more time, I'm okay. I don't wanna say goodbye to him, but I know I have to. *sigh*

~Keria P.

Pain

So, I kinda have some things to get off my chest. I've learned that no matter how hard I try, I'm never truly appreciated. I try and I try and it's never good enough. And I always get hurt. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And you know what, that hurts worse that realizing that I can't have the guy that I want. This pain is like a reverbating pain. Because it truly hurts me when

the people that I care about the most don't really give a crap about me. I give my everything and what do I get out of it? A broken heart and hurt feelings. Sucks. It really does. This is probably why I'm so good at writing angst stories. I live it everyday. And the worst part? NO ONE CARES. How many times can you step on someone's heart before they die? (metaphorically) I'm already halfway there, I'd estimate. How would you feel if the ones you loved the most just don't

care? Pretty hurt, I'd imagine. I just can't take anymore of this. How can you try to make the pain go away if everytime you've made progress, more hurt and pain just gets added? Sometimes I feel more angry than hurt. That's when it's the worst. When it's escalated from pain to anger, you know it's bad. I say this because I don't get truly angry often. But there are times when I just want to scream and curse and just go off, and I know this is not good. But, every now and then, it just reaches a boiling point where the hurt just becomes anger, and I can't control it. At all. I don't even know if I have the strength to endure much more of this. It feels as if the walls of my mind are closing in on me and I can't do a thing about it. Everything is too much nowadays. I can't do this. It hurts way too much. And if people realized how much it hurt

me, maybe they'd stop. They don't realize the extent of my hurt, though, in their defense. I don't talk about it much. But, they don't really give me a chance to talk though. If I even try to speak my thoughts, I get shut down almost immediately. It's ok though. Really. I don't matter anyway, right? I'm not important and no one could ever love me, because I'm hideous, and no one would ever wanna be with someone like me. But, again, it's ok. I can deal with being alone. Alone, just me. I'll always have me, if no one else. Even if no one else cares, I can always care about myself. I don't need anyone. I can be a loner. I have been for so many years, what does the rest of my life matter? But, I'll always have my friends though. They care, I can tell. They mean so much to me. My best friend was the only one to ask how I felt. She is and will always be one of my best friends. We can laugh together, talk about anything without fear of judgement, and

I love that. I don't wanna be judged. I've had enough of that. So what if I'm ugly, I can deal with that. I can deal with being alone, and I can deal with no one caring. Eventually, anyways. But, right now, it just hurts so bad. I just wanna breakdown and just cry. I haven't cried in awhile. But then, questions will be asked, and I don't wanna have to deal with that right now. Can't I cry in peace? I think I should be able to. But, alas, I cannot. You know why? Because everything I

do has to be monitored. The only thing that I can keep private are the things on my laptop. But that's appropriate, because it's mine and I can do with it as I please. But. I can't keep bottling things up like this. That's why I'm writing this. Because I'm hurting and I need an outlet. This is the only way I know how. Sorry if it offends anyone, I just want the pain to end. Treat me like I'm supposed to be treated. With respect and love and care. How am I supposed to show you the same, if you don't show me any? I feel like I'm trapped and I've got nowhere else to go. My walls are closing in. Faster and faster they fold in on me, until eventually I will have nothing left, and I will have no choice but to let the walls cave in on me, and let myself fall into the darkness. Crumple in on myself. And, the question they'll all ask themselves is, "How did this happen?" "How did we not see it?" And they'll blame themselves. It's not all their fault though. It's partly mine. I kept it inside too long. Did not express my feelings. And that's the main reason I feel like I do now. Maybe if I spoke how I felt, I wouldn't feel like this. But, they didn't have to brush my tears off as if they were nothing, like I wasn't legitimately hurt, and I was simply being overemotional. No, each tear was a representation of the growing pain. But, my tears reach blind eyes, and my sobs fall on deaf ears. I'll be fine. I've already prepared myself for the rest of my life. Where no one cares, and I only have me to rely on. But, I'm a pretty reliable person. At least I think so. When I can get out on my own, maybe I can get over this. Maybe I'll find love, and he can make me happy again. I really hope I do. I want to be in love one day. I can't see anything like that right now. Because I can't see anyone reaching out and caring enough to actually love me. Maybe, my silver lining will come one day. Cuz right now all I can see are the dark clouds, and the floods threatening to swallow me in their dangerous current. I just want to be cherished. Is that too much to ask for? Some people may think so. Because I'm worthless, and no one wants me. I'll be able to deal with that fact in time. I hurt too, can't people see that? Can't they see under all the smiles and happy faces, is a girl who just wants someone to care? I'm not always the optimist. Sometimes, I can be quite the pessimist. Can't someone ask me how I feel for a change? I'm always taking care of someone else. I want to be taken care of. I don't wanna feel this way anymore. I feel a pain in my chest everytime I think about it, really. I just want to feel special, and right now I feel like a plain old rock you can find on the ground, instead of the rare gem that everybody says that all girls are supposed to feel like. I wanna cry, to breakdown and just let it all out. Why, oh why, am I the human punching bag? I don't think I deserve that. I think I deserve to be treated just like everyone else. So why then, do people not treat me with the respect I deserve. Maybe, they feel like I don't deserve it. I can't find anything that I've done that would make them think that I don't deserve the basic respect that all human beings get. Maybe, I'll find out why I'm the one that always gets abused, maybe I'll find the reason why no one cares about me. Until then, I guess I'll deal with the pain and the hurt all on my own. And maybe, one day, I'll be truly happy, and the smiles I put on everyday will not be superficial (the ones that only last for that moment, and disappear once I'm alone), but be real ones that don't disappear even if I'm alone. Because I will be truly happy, and will have the ability to smile for real. Maybe, I won't have to write these things anymore, and I will be able to delete them because I will no longer have to reminisce over the pain I felt as an adolescent because I no longer feel pain, just happiness, pure, complete, and utter happiness. *watery smile* *strained chuckle* *sob* For now, though, it's only a faraway dream that as I get closer to it, it gets farther away from me.

Pain and Love Go Hand in Hand...

So...this may or may not be a cross between an angsty post (refer to the last one) and an angry tangent... but I've just got to get this off of my chest. So, I realized the other day (while on twitter, actually) that I really like this one dude that's been my friend since 9th grade. Well, in that same moment, I also realized that I could never have him. (Imagine the depressing tweets after THAT realization) And in that span of time, I realized that pain and love were almost like two halves of a whole, and one could not exist without the other. Sucks, doesn't it? Because every time I look at him, I feel my heart skip a beat and I'm pretty sure my eyes are filled with an indescribable amount of love and warmth, and then I snap back to reality, and then unbearable pain fills my chest, knowing that I can't be with him, at least not like that anyways, and sometimes, when I'm alone, I imagine what our life would be like if we did get together, and I see smiles and kisses and playfulness galore, but then reality (such a killjoy) catches up to me, and that pain (oh so familiar) is back, and I just want to scream, and go off on everything. I mean, is it fair that everyone ELSE but me gets to have their happy ending? Don't I deserve a happy ending too? And all the romantic things out there just make me depressed. I've tried, really tried, to let him go and move on with my life, but there's something about him that I can't resist. Maybe it's how adorable he looks when he's curious or confused about something, or maybe it's how his face lights up when he smiles (with perfect white teeth, may I add), or how I could just melt in his honey-colored (actually, they may be lighter than honey, like an amber or goldish color) eyes, how gorgeous they are. Never before him had I seen a shade like that. Anyways, all of that doesn't matter because it's never gonna happen. It sucks because before this, this fiasco, I had never met anyone who made me feel like this (who made me feel at all really), and I'm really sad (and sorta ticked off) that I can't have him. It's like getting a chocolate cake, but wait, you're allergic to chocolate.....WTF???? I mean how many years had I been waiting for someone to make me feel even REMOTELY close to what I feel for him, and now that I feel this way, you're telling me I can't have him. -__-' THIS MAKES ME SO ANNNGRRY!!!! I mean, how much more of this can I really take? (Not much more, if I'm honest with myself) My heart hurt, is still hurting, at the thought that I may never experience the wonders of love. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I love the thought that someone loves me enough to share their life with me, and promise themselves to me for the rest of their lives. I'd give anything if only to experience a fragment of what that feels like. With the way things are headed now, I'll end up dying alone with only my pet fish by my side. (A lonely, desolate future, in my opinion) So, even though, there's all these romantic feelings flowing through my being, there's also a heavy undercurrent of pain, and that's why I can honestly say that pain and love go hand in hand, without one, the other cannot exist, and others can argue against this fact, but until they've actually experienced what it feels like for themselves, then they can go somewhere, because I know better, pain is part of what love is, and no matter what you do, when you fall in love, you are destined to feel some sort of pain because of said love, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

~Keria P.